April 27, 2005
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Lately, there’s been a lot of psychological pressure that’s getting
piled up in my head. The pressure being that of somebody who
feels lost in his place in the world. I mean, this feeling has
been going on with me for years now, and I can even say that it started
in the summer of 2003. Before then, I thought I had my life pretty much
mapped out, but now, I don’t know anymore. It’s as if the closer
I get to 30, the more I feel trapped in my existence. In fact, I just
want to lash out at the world and people. But all I do is confide with
the world’s guilty pleasures and the immediate comfort from the people
I care about.Lately there’s been many many things that are reflecting my state of
being. Firstly is the moody nature that I’ve been going through, which
I’m successful so far in hiding. Ironically enough, I know people who
are feeling frustrated and irritable, which is exactly how I pretty
much feel but don’t show.I’ve also recently found out the state of how soon I could buy my own
house, which isn’t anytime soon. To go with that, the pressure of
getting married is finally looming over my head too. Going further into
the future, I don’t even know if I’m properly prepared for retirement.
Then there’s also the fact that this year is the 10 year anniversary of
my graduating High School.Also, there’s that “What is your life path number” quiz that really hit home a lot more than it probably should have. The main character of “Wonderfalls”
is also going through these feelings that I have right now, and that’s
a series I coincidentally watched recently. Not only that, but
I’ve finally just seen the movie “Big Fish,” which talks about a person’s achievement in the world. It’s like signs that are pointing towards me.I know there are many things I need to do and change in myself to fix
my problems. Because I do care about my state of being. But at
the same time I don’t. A bit of a conundrum ey?You Will Die at Age 61 61 You’re pretty average when it comes to how you live…And how you’ll die as well.
